Thothmuffin
Don't get any crumbs on the scale of judgement.
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Rock on
Today me and this mulleted guy in an old-school white Bronco were both rocking out and singing along to the same Rammstein song on the radio at a stoplight. He looked like he was straight out of "This is Spinal Tap." It was awesome. I think he was making up the German words too, but his steering-wheel percussion was way better.
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
Poems from Slackerville
Ok so I already totally broke my posting resolution a little bit, but to make up for it I will post two poems. LET US PRETEND MONDAY NEVER HAPPENED.
Animal Crackers
I want to go on safari
but the vending machine is tenacious
and full of thievery.
A very nice man shakes the box for me.
His son watches. I want to say,
"It's like a washing machine!"
But it isn't really--just
the sound, and the violence,
and the making-things-better--
and maybe he's not old enough
for essentializing giddiness.
Finally the magician buys something
for his son,
and his chips and my safari
fall down together.
The son
is wiser than I thought
and knows that his father is magic.
Migratory Glossitis
Parts of me are dead,
like any city.
Maps of these areas
run to strange tastes.
A redevelopment project is underway:
These papillae are closed
until further notice.
Animal Crackers
I want to go on safari
but the vending machine is tenacious
and full of thievery.
A very nice man shakes the box for me.
His son watches. I want to say,
"It's like a washing machine!"
But it isn't really--just
the sound, and the violence,
and the making-things-better--
and maybe he's not old enough
for essentializing giddiness.
Finally the magician buys something
for his son,
and his chips and my safari
fall down together.
The son
is wiser than I thought
and knows that his father is magic.
Migratory Glossitis
Parts of me are dead,
like any city.
Maps of these areas
run to strange tastes.
A redevelopment project is underway:
These papillae are closed
until further notice.
Sunday, August 28, 2005
Bros. Grimm
I saw The Brothers Grimm today. It was...good? I dunno, I neither particularly liked it or particularly disliked it. No pokings, but there is a part with fairly high eyeball squick quotient, just FYI. The aesthetics and design of the movie were the best part, I have to say, but it wasn't as good as Four Brothers. If you need a brother movie, go see that instead. Patroclus! XD
Saturday, August 27, 2005
Geez lady
Today my good friend Fiore bought me a book at a used book store and inscribed it for me right there. The used book store lady was all aghast and upbraided him because inscribing a book in pen "greatly decreases its resale value." How does this person work in a used book store? Maybe I'm just more of a voyeur, but one of the greatest attractions of used books for me are the light and subtle touches of history and ownership to them. I love those tiny glimpses into other people's lives--just brief enough so I'm filled with warm affection for the human race instead of my usual default dislike.
Friday, August 26, 2005
Churro
Today when I was driving the guy in the next lane was holding a churro just outside his window so it wouldn't drop cinnamon sugar all over his car. It looked deliciiiiious. I almost rolled down my window and asked him where he'd got that churro, but there was a cop right next to me, and I didn't want to get arrested for churro solicitation or something.
Thursday, August 25, 2005
So that's what they're used for!
I bought a comb the other day. I just now read the back of the package. If you are the wee marketing peon in charge of package copy, and you only get one line, you want to make it count. You want it to embody all the reasons why people *need* combs, and instill a sense of dignity and importance and maybe a little quirky fun in this most ordinary of hygienic instruments. Let's face it, it's not like you're going to convince anyone who hasn't been combing their hair that they need to start, so maybe the best you can hope to do is convert people to *your* brand of comb, or at least maybe make them think about combs in a new way that is worth their $0.88.
The back of my comb packaging says "For the removal of foreign matter from hair."
I have been using combs wrong all these years! I suspect the euphemistic "foreign material" refers to lice. Are $0.88 combs so uncool that only people plagued with head lice buy them?
When I was in third grade, the weird girl who'd had headlice would only sit next to me on the bus. I think headlice was the elementary equivalent of leprosy; she was shunned as indelibly contaminated. I think I was grossed out, too, but I let her sit next to me because she didn't expect me to make conversation, plus she wore crazy skirts.
If I could write one line of copy for $0.88 comb packaging, it would be: "For the use of people named Floyd or Lloyd, or those with headlice."
The back of my comb packaging says "For the removal of foreign matter from hair."
I have been using combs wrong all these years! I suspect the euphemistic "foreign material" refers to lice. Are $0.88 combs so uncool that only people plagued with head lice buy them?
When I was in third grade, the weird girl who'd had headlice would only sit next to me on the bus. I think headlice was the elementary equivalent of leprosy; she was shunned as indelibly contaminated. I think I was grossed out, too, but I let her sit next to me because she didn't expect me to make conversation, plus she wore crazy skirts.
If I could write one line of copy for $0.88 comb packaging, it would be: "For the use of people named Floyd or Lloyd, or those with headlice."
Goals is good! XD
So I never post. Which is lame. I should either delete my blog or use it. I'm going to try posting something every day for two weeks, even if it's short, probably just something crazy I noticed that day. If that is horrifically oppressive to my life and wellbeing, d*letion may be revisited.
Thanks,
The Management
Thanks,
The Management
Thursday, August 04, 2005
Muffin's Existential Crisis
Googlegame from Fiore. To play, type "YOURNAME is" with quotes into Google and paste top ten results. It was kind of giggleworthy until #10, which made me think maybe they were on to something with Google and invasion of privacy!
1. The muffin is about 2 to 3 inches in diameter and 2.5 inches in height.
2. Muffin is cooked on a griddle.
3. Muffin is generally finer in texture.
4. Muffin is going to the vet.
5. Muffin is our favorite.
6. No fat or sugar: The muffin is less tender, less moist and has poor surface color.
7. Muffin is a lavendar tabby.
8. Muffin is shy, shy, shy.
9. Muffin is in a mischievous mood.
10. Muffin is the best friend of the Sanrio character Purin.
See, Purin! THEY KNOW ALL!
EDIT: Googlegame follow-up
In response to the above post:
davesque: that's awesome
davesque: ok imma try this
davesque: wait, where on google do I go?
davesque: oh
davesque: erm
davesque: pretend I didn't say that ^_^;;
1. The muffin is about 2 to 3 inches in diameter and 2.5 inches in height.
2. Muffin is cooked on a griddle.
3. Muffin is generally finer in texture.
4. Muffin is going to the vet.
5. Muffin is our favorite.
6. No fat or sugar: The muffin is less tender, less moist and has poor surface color.
7. Muffin is a lavendar tabby.
8. Muffin is shy, shy, shy.
9. Muffin is in a mischievous mood.
10. Muffin is the best friend of the Sanrio character Purin.
See, Purin! THEY KNOW ALL!
EDIT: Googlegame follow-up
In response to the above post:
davesque: that's awesome
davesque: ok imma try this
davesque: wait, where on google do I go?
davesque: oh
davesque: erm
davesque: pretend I didn't say that ^_^;;
